Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Ever year I struggle during Valentine's Day because I am still single and still waiting on the man that God has for me. But last year I was reminded that Jesus is my Valentine. He loves me like no one ever has and he is always with me. This is not always easy to remember especially when the other side of my bed is cold and empty or when I am hurting and needing someone to hold me. I know without a doubt that Jesus is with me even if I cannot see him or feel him. He is the same yesterday today and forever. Which means to me if he was with the people in the Bible and with me in my past then he is with me now. I have comfort in that and I find myself talking with him more and more. I want to be all that he would have me be and if that means that I need to stay single and lean only on him then so be it. Who am I to argue with the King of Kings? Last year I felt relieved at Valentines because I didn't focus on what I didn't have, instead Infocused on all of the wonderful things that I do have. That is my goal this year too. Will I struggle in my singleness this Friday? Maybe. But I will encourage myself in The Lord and I will remember that I have someone in my life who loves me so much that He died so that I might live. Be encouraged and have a blessed Valentines Day.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
I don't know who you are but I feel strongly that this letter is for someone who will read this blog.
You are reading this now and your heart is broken. You have wandered far from home--the place where you belong and your heart is heavy and broken over choices that you have made, things that you have done and things that have been done against you. You think that things that you have done are too horrilbe for you to return, that you have gone to far to come back. You are ashamed of the things that you have done. You look at the chaos in your life and you become embarassed. You think that if anyone really knew the things that you have done, you would be rejected and you just can not take another bad thing occurring in your life. Just like the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32, you are looking around at the mess you are living in and your heart aches to return home but you are stubborn in your fear and shame to return because of what you think people will say or do when you return. I tell you that I can see your heavenly Father and he is standing at the door waiting and watching for you to come home and he will run out and he will meet you before you even get to the door of home! He loves you and he is waiting for you to repent and come home! His arms are open for you to run into, don't wait, it is NOT too late for you to come home. Don't worry about what others will think because you have one sister who is weeping and praying for you to come home. I don't know you but I will keep praying for you to come home until the Lord releases me to stop praying and crying out on your behalf. Come home...
Yo no sé quién usted es pero me siento que esta carta es para alguien que leerá este blog.
Usted esta leyendo este ahora y su corazón esta quebrantado. Ha llegado lejos de casa -- el lugar donde usted pertenece y su corazón está pesado y quebrantado sobre decisiones que usted ha tomado, las cosas que usted ha hecho y las cosas que han sido hechas contra usted. Piensa que cosas que usted ha hecho son tan horrilbe que usted no puede regresar, que usted ha ido a distante tan larga que no puede regresar. Usted se avergüenzado de las cosas que ha hecho. Esta mirando el caos en su vida y usted llega a ser avergonzado. Piensa que si cualquiera persona supo las cosas que usted ha hecho, sería rechazado y usted no puede tomar otra cosa mala que ocurre en su vida. Como el hijo pródigo en Lucas 15:11-32, Usted esta mirando alrededor en el disastre que esta viviendo en y sus dolores y su corazón anhela a regresar a casa pero usted es terco en su temor y la vergüenza y lo que usted piensa que personas dirán o harán cuando regresa y usted usa esos escusas para no regresar. ¡Le digo que puedo Yo ver a su Padre Celestial y él esta esperandote a la puerta y él esta mirando para usted volver a casa y le encontrará antes que llegue a la puerta de casa! ¡Le ama y le espera para arrepentirse de sus pecados y para volver a casa! Sus brazos están abiertos para usted, no espera, no es demasiado tarde para regresar a casa. No se preocupe por lo que otros pensarán porque usted tiene una hermana que llora y ora para usted volver a casa. Yo no le sé pero mantendré orar para usted volver a casa hasta que el Señor me suelte para parar orar par usted. Regresale...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
To all of the Mother's who do not feel appreciated, to those who feel forgotten, to the single mom, the widowed mother and all mothers, May the Lord bless you and keep you. May he guide you as you raise your children, grandchildren, etc...He is the only one who can give you what you need to raise your children. If you are raising them alone, he is the partner that you need to raise your sons and daughters. He will give you wisdom and strength. Lean on him and trust him in all of the decisions that you make as a mother. Blessings to you!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
It seems strange to say that you believe in God, you are living for him and you are mad at him. I know it seems contradictory or sacrilegious. But it’s true. I haven’t written anything in a long time due to being disappointed, depressed and angry. I guess I should clarify what I mean. I have been living the past seventeen years truly believing and waiting on God for his promises. I have chosen to live my life according to what I believe to be true: 1. Jesus is the son of God 2. He came to this world as a baby born of the Virgin Mary 3. He died on the cross for my sins 4. He rose from the grave and is a live and will return 5. He has a specific plan for my life and his Spirit will guide me as I seek his face and live for him.
So, if I believe so strongly, why was I disappointed, depressed and angry? The answer is simple and yet complex. I was disappointed because I thought things would be different. I thought that by now God would’ve lead me to this place in my life where I would’ve seen his promises for me (i.e.: a husband, more kids, a job that I enjoy, etc…) but what really has happened is: I lost someone whom I thought was going to turn out to be the one, I lost a house, moved into an apartment, had dealings with a person (or persons) who seemed set out to make my life miserable, have a job that I don’t like and have had multiple physical ailments and so much more that has made me question why.
It has been hard for me to understand why these things have happened. Don’t get me wrong I still strongly believe all of the things mentioned above, but I’ve been so hurt because things have not turned out the way that I imagined that God would’ve worked them out. It’s like being a child at Christmas expecting to see the toy they have waited all year for only to open up all of the packages and find nothing but clothing in the boxes.
I have thought often of Sarah and Abraham during this time. I can understand the desperation they must’ve felt for an heir. They were given a promise and month after month Sarah remained barren until their flesh took over and they tried to make the promise come true on their own. Sometimes I have felt that way, like I want to take matters into my own hands and try to make everything work myself, BUT then I remember that the consequences of doing things on my own will not only affect my spiritual and emotional well being but that of my family, my church family and perhaps even people I have not met yet. When I look at the big picture, I am able to lean on the Lord for the strength that I need to keep going. And just like David, I cry out to the Lord and I tell him everything that I feel (even though he knows, it helps to tell him and He wants us to talk with him). I confess to him that I am disappointed, depressed and I even tell him that I have been angry with him because I do not understand WHY.
I can’t even begin to count how many times I have wept and cried out WHY God, WHY would you allow this to happen? WHERE ARE YOU? DO YOU CARE? After I weep and reach out to him, his peace always comes and sustains me. There is always the reminder that: 1. His ways are not my ways 2. His thoughts are not my thoughts 3. He has plans that do not include harming me in any way 3. His grace is sufficient 4. He has not forgotten me, he is here with me holding me close and working in my life even when I cannot see it or feel it because of my humanity. (Isaiah 55:8, Jeremiah 29:11, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Isaiah 49:14-16, Luke 12:6&7, Hebrews 13:5, Psalm 9:12)
Brother, Sister, I know how you are feeling. Keep holding on to Jesus. I have recently begun to ask him to help me deal with my emotions as I wait. I won’t always understand why things work the way they do or why some people get sick or why people have to wait longer than others for the answers to their prayers BUT I do know that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and no matter how often we cry out WHY or WHERE ARE YOU, the answer will always be coming from the God who walks with us and it will come at just the right time regardless of what our emotions may tell us.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Sometimes in life I have thought that I can do anything and that I don't need help from anyone. I have come to realize how wrong I am. God has been speaking to me about my error in thinking this way. I have always had a tendency to not trust people and to not call out for help or share my heart. I know that this has come from deep hurts that I have suffered and betrayals that I have faced in life. The problem in my thinking is that I also try to "fix" things without the Lord's help and in that I have sinned.
About a month ago I had a dream and it was profound. It brought back to me some of the hope that I had lost. But I had ignored part of the dream and God would not let me forget it. Recently I had a breaking point. I was struggling with loneliness, sadness and many other things that didn't seem to be going right. I cried out to Jesus for help and he reminded me of my dream. Part of my dream I was surrounded by my best friend and three other sisters in Christ. These women were rallying around me and helping me to stay focused on what God had planned for my life. The Lord told me he wanted me to humble myself and go to these women and 1) tell them about my dream 2) share with them my current struggles 3) ask them to come alongside of me in prayer and support and 4) promise to tell them how I am really doing when they ask me instead of the usual response of "I am fine" and "everything is great".
So after crying my eyes out I called each one of the sisters and I was stunned that immediately they gave me their full attention and support. They were completely on board to help me. I wept with each one of them because I was unloading and learning to lean on someone again.
I have discovered that I am not a superhero. I can't do this alone. I have to have help and I have to have someone to lean on. But I am also reminded that I truly can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
During these last few months since I have written, God has been speaking to my heart about letting go. Letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds. There are so many things that we have to let go of in life and none of them are easy to do. As a parent we have to learn to slowly let go and give our children independence as they grow and then eventually allow them to become adults. But the letting go that I am referring most to, is what the Lord requires of us. There is a continual letting go when we are forgiving those who trespass against us on a daily basis, but there is also a letting go of the past. Though we are forgiven, we walk around carrying a burden like we would carry a suitcase that is so full it is difficult to carry.
So when God told me that it is time to let go I didn't quite know what to think about it. I was praying and I asked himt what it was that I am supposed to let go of? Over the next few nights I couldn't go to sleep. I stayed awake thinking about the things that I had not quite let go of in my life. I was surprised to find out just how much baggage that I had been carrying around with me. These things were not sins that I struggled with but rather they are things that I had not dealt with emotionally. I am the type of person that I will push aside things that hurt me and deal with them later, but generally later doesn't come until I have so much piled up that I nearly burst.
These past four years have been very difficult for me. I faced many emotinal things that I pushed aside to deal with later: graduating college but never really celebrating my acomplishment, getting a full time job that is an emotionally stressful job, buying a house, having a parent become seriously ill, having my parents live with me and helping them transition to moving back out on their own, having a close relationship that I thought was the person God had for me end because God told me this person was not the one for me, losing my house in a foreclosure, moving, watching my best friend become serious ill and not being able to be there for her because I was ill and the list could go on and on.
The fact is I didn't allow myself to cry because I was tired of crying myself to sleep at night. I didn't allow myself to mourn my losses. It is still very difficult for me, as I sit here typing this in Borders I force myself not to become emotional. Where did this come from, this idea to hold it in and not let it out because it hurts? Hard heartedness...if I don't face it it won't hurt. God began to point out to me that I need to let it go emotionally so that he can move in my life in a way that I have been wanting him to. I made a decision a long time ago that I was tired of being hurt, tired of crying and because of that I choose not to deal with painful things.
I believe that we all do that to an extent. We must choose to let it go brothers and sisters. If want God to heal us and to take us to the next level, we have to let it go! Jesus said: "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). Jesus does not want us to walk around carrying guilt, shame, hurts, heartache, pain of lost dreams, etc...He wants us to be free to run this race without anything holding us back from what he has called us to. We have to make a choice and I am choosing to LET IT GO!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
It has struck me how God has been speaking to me these last few weeks about this waiting period. First I heard a pastor talk about how Jesus waited for 30 years to begin his ministry. It is difficult to think about, he is the savior, but he waited. Next our pastor was teaching on Paul and she spoke of how he waited 14 years to step into what God had called him to do. Then I was preparing my lesson for my Sunday School class and the lesso to the kids was on David and how David waited 17 years from the time he was annointed until he was actually King.
Don't give up brother/sister, be stron during this time of waiting and know that there is a purpose for the wait. You need to be determined to keep standing and keep walking. Remember what God has promised you but don't worry about the length of time that it has taken to see whatever it is with your eyes. Don't get tired of waiting. I know that when I am discouraged ad tired of waiting on God to bring my husband I lose focus on why I am waiting. Sometimes we forget that there is a reason for our waiting. I know that God has been teaching me some lessons during this time as well as healing many hurts. Had I been in a relationship, I may not have had time to listen to God as he has been pointing out things in me that need changed.
I think that the best advice I can give is to not give up, "when you have done all that you can do just stand"...