I am not a superhero/ No soy una super heroe

Sometimes in life I have thought that I can do anything and that I don't need help from anyone. I have come to realize how wrong I am. God has been speaking to me about my error in thinking this way. I have always had a tendency to not trust people and to not call out for help or share my heart. I know that this has come from deep hurts that I have suffered and betrayals that I have faced in life. The problem in my thinking is that I also try to "fix" things without the Lord's help and in that I have sinned.

About a month ago I had a dream and it was profound. It brought back to me some of the hope that I had lost. But I had ignored part of the dream and God would not let me forget it. Recently I had a breaking point. I was struggling with loneliness, sadness and many other things that didn't seem to be going right. I cried out to Jesus for help and he reminded me of my dream. Part of my dream I was surrounded by my best friend and three other sisters in Christ. These women were rallying around me and helping me to stay focused on what God had planned for my life. The Lord told me he wanted me to humble myself and go to these women and 1) tell them about my dream 2) share with them my current struggles 3) ask them to come alongside of me in prayer and support and 4) promise to tell them how I am really doing when they ask me instead of the usual response of "I am fine" and "everything is great".

So after crying my eyes out I called each one of the sisters and I was stunned that immediately they gave me their full attention and support. They were completely on board to help me. I wept with each one of them because I was unloading and learning to lean on someone again.

I have discovered that I am not a superhero. I can't do this alone. I have to have help and I have to have someone to lean on. But I am also reminded that I truly can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Letting Go

During these last few months since I have written, God has been speaking to my heart about letting go. Letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds. There are so many things that we have to let go of in life and none of them are easy to do. As a parent we have to learn to slowly let go and give our children independence as they grow and then eventually allow them to become adults. But the letting go that I am referring most to, is what the Lord requires of us. There is a continual letting go when we are forgiving those who trespass against us on a daily basis, but there is also a letting go of the past. Though we are forgiven, we walk around carrying a burden like we would carry a suitcase that is so full it is difficult to carry.

So when God told me that it is time to let go I didn't quite know what to think about it. I was praying and I asked himt what it was that I am supposed to let go of? Over the next few nights I couldn't go to sleep. I stayed awake thinking about the things that I had not quite let go of in my life. I was surprised to find out just how much baggage that I had been carrying around with me. These things were not sins that I struggled with but rather they are things that I had not dealt with emotionally. I am the type of person that I will push aside things that hurt me and deal with them later, but generally later doesn't come until I have so much piled up that I nearly burst.

These past four years have been very difficult for me. I faced many emotinal things that I pushed aside to deal with later: graduating college but never really celebrating my acomplishment, getting a full time job that is an emotionally stressful job, buying a house, having a parent become seriously ill, having my parents live with me and helping them transition to moving back out on their own, having a close relationship that I thought was the person God had for me end because God told me this person was not the one for me, losing my house in a foreclosure, moving, watching my best friend become serious ill and not being able to be there for her because I was ill and the list could go on and on.

The fact is I didn't allow myself to cry because I was tired of crying myself to sleep at night. I didn't allow myself to mourn my losses. It is still very difficult for me, as I sit here typing this in Borders I force myself not to become emotional. Where did this come from, this idea to hold it in and not let it out because it hurts? Hard heartedness...if I don't face it it won't hurt. God began to point out to me that I need to let it go emotionally so that he can move in my life in a way that I have been wanting him to. I made a decision a long time ago that I was tired of being hurt, tired of crying and because of that I choose not to deal with painful things.

I believe that we all do that to an extent. We must choose to let it go brothers and sisters. If want God to heal us and to take us to the next level, we have to let it go! Jesus said: "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). Jesus does not want us to walk around carrying guilt, shame, hurts, heartache, pain of lost dreams, etc...He wants us to be free to run this race without anything holding us back from what he has called us to. We have to make a choice and I am choosing to LET IT GO!

God has a purpose for the waiting

It has struck me how God has been speaking to me these last few weeks about this waiting period. First I heard a pastor talk about how Jesus waited for 30 years to begin his ministry. It is difficult to think about, he is the savior, but he waited. Next our pastor was teaching on Paul and she spoke of how he waited 14 years to step into what God had called him to do. Then I was preparing my lesson for my Sunday School class and the lesso to the kids was on David and how David waited 17 years from the time he was annointed until he was actually King.

Don't give up brother/sister, be stron during this time of waiting and know that there is a purpose for the wait. You need to be determined to keep standing and keep walking. Remember what God has promised you but don't worry about the length of time that it has taken to see whatever it is with your eyes. Don't get tired of waiting. I know that when I am discouraged ad tired of waiting on God to bring my husband I lose focus on why I am waiting. Sometimes we forget that there is a reason for our waiting. I know that God has been teaching me some lessons during this time as well as healing many hurts. Had I been in a relationship, I may not have had time to listen to God as he has been pointing out things in me that need changed.

I think that the best advice I can give is to not give up, "when you have done all that you can do just stand"...

A loving reminder

We were having missionaries visit our church a couple of weeks ago. I was excited to hear what they had to say...I have a heart for missions work and would love to leave it all and go, but that is another story! Any way much to my surprise when I arrived at church one of the women brought them over to introduce me and I knew them! I met them 12 years ago when I went on a short term mission trip to Mexico. I was excited to see them and hear about what God is doing in them and through them. Much to my surpise "Mrs. Missionary" said to me that God had place me on her heart to be praying for me. I have not seen or spoken to this couple in 12 years and yet God had this woman praying for me! I was humbled and shocked at God's loving reminder that what I am going throug is important enough for him to have someone I hadn't seen or spoken and someone who lives in another time zone to be praying for me!

We need to remember that what God says in Isaiah 49:15 (Isaias 49:15) is true: "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion onthe child she has born? Though she may forget, I will not forget you." God has not forgotten me. He is not too busy to remember what he promised me. I am not too small and insignificant for him to care about what I am going through.

Please remember brother/sister that God will not and has not forgotten you and what you are going through. (Hebrews 13:5/Hebreos 13:5)

Crying myself to sleep

I haven't cried myself to sleep in a long time, but the other night as I crawled into bed I felt extremely alone. I just wanted someone to be there to hold me and to tell me how much I meant to him. While I was struggling with my emotions I remembered that I am not alone. God is with me and he cares about every detail of my life including my loneliness. I love how the psalmist wrote in Psalm 119:25 "I lie in the dust, revive me by your word." Sometimes I feel so discouraged, like I am lying in the dust unable to keep going on but it is through His word that I am able to be comforted while I wait on the man that he has for me. I have to force myself to remember that God does not lie and his ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9). I have to remember that he will not forget me. We need to encourage ourselves in the Word of God during these times of struggle. Keep holding on brother/sister, God's answers are coming!

Yo no me he llorado antes que duermo en mucho tiempo, pero la otra noche como yo me me acosté en la cama que sentía muy sóla. Yo sólo quise que alguien estuviera allí abrazarme y para decirme cuánto me ama. Mientras luchaba con mis emociones yo recordé que yo no estoy sola. Dios es conmigo y él tiene interés en cada detalle de mi vida incluyendo mi soledad. Cómo el salmista escribió en el Salmo 119:25 "Postrado estoy en el polvo;dame vida conforme a tu palabra." A veces yo siento muy desanimada, como estoy en postrada en el polvo incapaz de mantenerme firme pero está por Su palabra que puedo recibir consuelo mientras espero en el hombre que él tiene para mí. Tengo que forzarme a recordar que Dios no diga mentiras y sus caminos y pensamientos son más altas que mío(Isaías 55:9). Tengo que recordar que él no me se olvidará. Necesitamos para animarnos en la Palabra de Dios durante estos tiempos de lucha. ¡Mantengense firmes hermano/hermana, las respuestas de Dios vienen tempranos!

Choosing to not compromise in my walk...

I know that I am making a difficult choice. I have made this choice daily since becoming a single mother. It has been almost fifteen years now and things have not become any easier. The thing is, God does not promise us that choosing to live completely 100% without compromise for him will be easy. He does however promise to be with us and to help us along the way. In my choice not to compromise, I have been rejected by many who claimed to have cared for me or have even claimed to have loved me. This can be a lonely road to walk on, but I don't regret it. Sometimes I get frustrated with my feelings because I want to be with someone. I want to be loved, held and all of the things that we all dream of. But I will not compromise! The Word of God tells us that we are not to be unequally yoked, we should save sex for marriage and so much more. So many times I have been laughed at and rejected because I will not cross those lines for anyone, including myself. Sometimes I ask myself "Is all of the struggle and lonely nights worth the wait?"...YES!!! I know that somewhere God has a man who shares the same values and principles that I do and when the time is right, we will meet.

Please be patient. I know how you may be feeling as you wait on God. Somedays it feels as if his promises will never be fulfilled in your life. But remember, God does not lie. If he told you that he has spouse for you, it will take place. Trust him and cry out to him during the times of struggle. Remember, I am praying for you as I wait...it helps to get my mind off of my loneliness to pray for you. God Bless!